segunda-feira, 31 de março de 2008

Perseguição



Sensibilidade e sangue azul

The Princess and the Pea - Edmund Dulac

The Princess and the Pea, Edmund Dulac



Um resumo da história (não que seja muito maior do que isso).

Panegírico

The Colbert Report: RIP Gary Gygax (05.03.2008)



"May your Prismatic Spray always bypass your target's reflex saving throw."

domingo, 30 de março de 2008

Stickers

Bill stickers will be prosecuted. Bill Stickers is innocent

Uma piada já centenária.

Excelente título

"Igreja pede a Sócrates que controle laicismo de alguns membros do PS."

Público (30.03.2008)



Uma resposta possível:


"Governo pede a D. Policarpo que controle o catolicismo de alguns membros do Episcopado."

Manchete Imaginária, José Gomes (Peão, 30.03.2008)



Grandma Cyclops - Travis Louie

Grandma Cyclops, Travis A. Louie

Recortar pelo tracejado

John Cuneo

The Hint, John Cuneo

sábado, 29 de março de 2008

Tele Shopping

Saturday Night Live: Dissing your dog

sexta-feira, 28 de março de 2008

Jesus é o meu treinador

Jesus is my coach
Jesus is my coach

Sim, é genuíno. No Catholic Supply, por apenas 20 dólares cada.


ps. Nada garante o acesso ao Reino dos Céus como uma placagem a Jesus.

quinta-feira, 27 de março de 2008

Marketing evangélico

Caution, exposure to the Son may prevent burning

Aqui, outros exemplos.

quarta-feira, 26 de março de 2008

Guerra ecológica


The Onion: How can we make the war in Iraq more eco-friendly

terça-feira, 25 de março de 2008

Munch Munch

Cusp - Thomas Herpich

Cusp - Thomas HerpichCusp - Thomas Herpich

Cusp - Thomas Herpich

Cusp (2003), Thomas Herpich

(clique para ampliar)

segunda-feira, 24 de março de 2008

Autoridade e Educação

Noutros tempos sim, havia respeito pelos professores.


Life of Brian (1979), Monty Python

No início

Ainda a bonecada, com o John Kricfalusi, o Ren e o Stimpy:



Ren & Stimpy: In the Beginning

domingo, 23 de março de 2008

Os verdadeiros

The Real Simpsons - Pixeloo

The Real Simpsons (2008), Pixeloo



Super Real Mario Brother - Pixeloo

Super Real Mario Brother (2008), Pixeloo

Sexo e violência

Sex & Violence (1997), Bill Plympton




Sex & Violence 2 (1998), Bill Plympton



Uma secura.

sábado, 22 de março de 2008

Anões e Gigantes

Os gigantes cuidam dos anões:


Weight - Jackie K. Seo

Weight (2007), Jackie K. Seo




Secret Shame - Jackie K. Seo

Secret Shame (2008), Jackie K. Seo



Os anões cuidam dos gigantes:


Chris - Jamie Salmon

Chris (2007), Jamie Salmon




 Self Portrait - Jamie Salmon

Self Portrait (2006), Jamie Salmon

Unspoken telepathy

Spaced

Políticas

"Polytics [sic] of

NETWORKS
One person is one person. Two people are a situation. Three people are a network. Example: Abraham's buffoonish nephew Lot lived in Sodom. When God told Abraham that he was going to destroy that city, Abraham asked God if he'd cut his nephew a break. God said, «Done.» Networks have been around a long time, only recently named such.

SUBSTANCES
In America the word «substances» has become inextricably associated with illegal drugs as the word «adult» has become associated with pornography. When an extremely general word is saddled with extremely specific meaning, its usefulness is compromised. Of course, we have more important things to worry about.

PRACTICES
In 1990, authorities in Kyrgystan had to shut off electricity in the region because too many people stayed home from work to watch the 249 part Mexican soap opera «The Rich Also Cry.»

ENTERTAINMENT
In the best art people recognize themselves. In the best entertainment people forget themselves. (Note to myself on the politics of making up epigrams: whether they turn out to be true or not, try to find a way to lose the know-it-all tone.)"


Polytix (Purple Prose 14), David C. Berman



Há uns anos, numa eliminatória da Liga dos Campeões, o Real Madrid foi eliminado pela Juventus num jogo em que o Figo falhou um penálti. Num programa humorístico catalão, "Una Altra Cosa", mostraram todos os golos da Juventus e esse falhanço, cada um com a sua legenda. A do Figo foi, justamente, "os ricos também choram".

sexta-feira, 21 de março de 2008

More than a man, a shiny golden god

Classico (2006), Tenacious D + John Kricfalusi




A propósito do Liam Lynch — aí em baixo —, foi ele quem realizou o vídeo da Sarah Silverman, Jesus is Magic, e o filme dos Tenacious D, The Pick of Destiny.

O vídeo do Classico foi feito pelo autor dos saudosos Ren & Stimpy — uma das poucas séries cuja dobragem portuguesa era capaz de ser melhor do que as vozes originais, ou isso ou é a memória que me prega uma partida —, John Kricfalusi, que já tinha feito este Fuck her Gently:


Fuck her gently (2001), Tenacious D + John Kricfalusi



John Kricfalusi

John Kricfalusi

quinta-feira, 20 de março de 2008

United States of Whatever

United States of Whatever (2002), Liam Lynch

Um dia bem passado

Klu Klux Klan

Klu Klux Klan em Cañon City, Colorado (1926)



"Members of Cañon City Klan No. 21 pose on and around the ferris wheel at the site of a carnival at 8th and Greenwood in Cañon City, Colorado. Klan members were invited by W. H. Forsythe, owner of the outfit and a klansman from Fort Collins, to don their gowns and pose for a group portrait. Houses and trees can be seen in the background. At left are a flying swings amusement ride and a ticket booth."


Cañon City Public Library

quarta-feira, 19 de março de 2008

Arthur C. Clarke (1917-2008)



Ponte

Go ahead, please take day off

Cartaz americano da 2ª Guerra Mundial, desinteressadamente feito pela Texaco.

Toot, tootle-ty toot

«In the 2002-03 season [Cardiff City] reached the second division promotion play-offs final, against Queens Park Rangers at the Millennium Stadium [Cardiff, País de Gales]. It is the standard that these showpiece occasions are preceded by the National Anthem. “A traditional part of the pre-match build-up to finals,” was how John Nagle, the Football League spokesman, described it until his bosses scrapped it when Cardiff fans claimed to be affronted by the prospect of God Save the Queen being sung at an English league event [no qual o Cardiff City, tal como outros clubes não ingleses (embora britânicos), participa desde há décadas].

The request was that it should be complemented by the Welsh National Anthem, Land of My Fathers, and when the Football League refused on the ground that God Save the Queen is the United Kingdom’s National Anthem and not only England’s — and therefore is applicable to all — it was warned that Land of My Fathers would be sung either way, over the anthem if necessary. Which, as the final was taking place in Cardiff, was no idle threat. Rhodri Morgan, the First Minister of the Welsh Assembly, got involved and, seeking a quiet life, the League abandoned the idea of anthems in favour of club songs.

Cardiff chose Men of Harlech, a rousing military march with hugely patriotic connotations. QPR went for Papa’s Got a Brand New Pigbag, a lively instrumental celebrating peg trousers, daft haircuts and the hybrid post-punk jazz scene, the playing of which has had little effect on nationalistic sentiments anywhere since 1981. So Cardiff sang: “March ye men of Harlech bold, Unfurl your banners in the field, Be brave as were your sires of old, And never let them yield.” And QPR went: “Toot, tootle-ty toot. Tootle-ty toot toot.”

To the surprise of few, Cardiff won promotion.»


Cardiff City rekindle love affair with English, Martin Samuel (The Times, 19.03.2008)

Ama

Gazing from a Lighthouse - Yoshiyuki Iwase

Gazing from a Lighthouse (1950), Yoshiyuki Iwase



"Water temperatures on the Onjuku coast are bearable only between June and September. Large harvests were impossible to haul up in strong currents, so tides had to be favorable, limiting diving days to about 20 per year. Ama [girls and women who harvested seaweed, turban shells and abalone from beneath the coastal waters] dove in three sessions a day, requiring extensive eating and warming at the fireside between runs. A good daily harvest required 60 to 80 dives of up to two minutes each, so ama had to develop and maintain substantial body fat to guard against hypothermia. With such rigors and risks, ama were paid enormous salaries, often making more in the short season than the village men made the whole year."


Biografia de Yoshiyuki Iwase



Mergulhadoras - Kitagawa Utamaro

Mergulhadoras (c. 1797–98), Kitagawa Utamaro

(clique para ampliar)

terça-feira, 18 de março de 2008

Os Aristocratas, versão Doug Stanhope

The Aristocrats, Doug Stanhope



O miúdo não é filho dele.
Trívia para suavizar os fetos, a filha de 13 anos a babar-se na cadeira de rodas, a crucificação de costas e tudo o resto.

Iniciativa

Laerte

Laerte

segunda-feira, 17 de março de 2008

Cagar sentenças

Francisco José Viegas - foto de Rui Cerdeira Branco

Francisco José Viegas
Foto: Rui Cerdeira Branco



Francisco José Viegas "detesta 'piercings'" e acha "o excesso de tatuagens uma infantilidade grotesca". Não sei quantas horas por mês gastará ele a tratar da barbicha, mas nunca serão excessivas, e de certeza que acorda todos os dias já com a boa pinta que se lhe vê nesta foto. A roupa e a armação que usa comprou-as nos saldos e as unhas, só por coincidência, tinham sido cortadas no dia anterior, caso contrário estariam na normalidade desarranjada que se espera de um adulto com coisas mais importantes com que se preocupar.

Recorda-me um tipo — Rod Filbrandt — que se tem dedicado a expor as opções dos outros que lhe fazem comichão. Chamou-lhe The Bane of My Existence. Um exemplo:



Bane of my existence

The New Lounge Lizards, Rod Filbrandt



Claro que todos nós nos avaliamos e aos outros constantemente. Opinamos, julgamos e actuamos em conformidade com o nosso veredicto. Pretender flutuar acima disso, considerando os "excessos" — se o forem — dos outros e ignorando os nossos, é transformarmo-nos numa versão um pouco mais sofisticada da coscuvilheira de bairro. Como dizia a minha mãe: é "cagar sentenças", afirmação que é, ela própria, aquilo que define, mas já chega de relativismo por hoje.


ps. Não tenho qualquer tatuagem ou 'piercing'.

A Arte da Fuga

Banlieue 13 (2004)

Voyeur

HBO Voyeur.

domingo, 16 de março de 2008

Pele

Pele, corte lateral - Eye of Science

Pele, corte lateral, Eye of Science



"A section through human skin. The skin layers, from top to bottom, are the stratum corneum (flaky, brown), composed of flattened, dead skin cells that form the surface of the skin.

The dead cells from this layer are continuously being shed and replaced by cells from the living epidermal layer below (red) The lowest layer seen here is the dermis (grey-brown, lower centre), a thick layer of fibrous connective tissue that supports and nourishes the epidermis. In the middle, a sweat gland can be seen. Coloured scanning electron micrograph, Magnification: x50."

sábado, 15 de março de 2008

Red Bull é para meninas

Powerthirst, Picnicface

Teste

Aqui (via 5 Dias).

sexta-feira, 14 de março de 2008

Amor incompreendido

No Survivors - Nicholas GurewitchNo Survivors - Nicholas Gurewitch

No Survivors, Nicholas Gurewitch (The Perry Bible Fellowship)

quinta-feira, 13 de março de 2008

O maravilhoso mundo da arte

Bend it, Gilbert & George




Egbert & Bill, Alexei Sayle

quarta-feira, 12 de março de 2008

Novato

Man Stroke Woman

Simulador de orgasmos

Ainda não chegámos à tecnologia de O Herói do Ano 2000 (a tradução óbvia de Sleeper), temos que nos dar por satisfeitos com isto.

terça-feira, 11 de março de 2008

As estrelas

Se as estrelas se mudassem para o Oklahoma. Uma selecção:



Britney Spears

Britney Spears



Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp



Pamela Anderson

Pamela Anderson



Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise

Bee Movie

Bumble Buzzin - Nicholas Gurewitch

Bumble Buzzin, Nicholas Gurewitch (The Perry Bible Fellowship)

segunda-feira, 10 de março de 2008

High-Five

Há que apreciar a confiança com que o fazem.




The High-Five Montages!, Almost Twins

Xenofobia

Num livro dos Monty Python — The Brand New Monty Python Papperbok (sic), publicado em 1973, com três aparições anteriores nesta espelunca —, encontra-se reproduzido um número do folheto The Biggot, de e para xenófobos ingleses. Um excerto:


"HOLIDAYS

If you must go to the continent, here are some of the places to visit:

  • The British Embassy, 35 Rue du Faubourg St. Honoré, Paris 8e
  • The British Embassy, Friedrich Ebert Allee 77, Bonn
  • The British Embassy, Via Conte Rosso 25, Rome
  • The British Consulate, Herengracht 460, Amsterdam
  • The British Chamber of Commerce, Mesryiyet Caddessi No.34, Tepbasi Beyoghi, Istanbul

Some useful terms of abuse to help you get the worst out of the countries you visit:

  • ITALIANS etc: Greaseballs. Dagos. Wops. Candles. Spaghetti-eaters. Ice-cream salesmen. Eye-ties.
  • EGYPTIANS: Gippos. Yellowbellies. Anti-yids. Sphinctas.
  • FRENCH: Froggies. Bloody French (N.B. The French are very easily insulted by the British. Almost anything will do.)
  • GERMANS: Krauts. Boche. Sausage-eaters. Square-heads (N.B. The Germans are an appallingly insensitive nation and therefore extremely hard to insult. Try setting fire to them or calling their Mercedes Volkswagens.)
  • COLOURED PEOPLE: Best not to even talk to them."

domingo, 9 de março de 2008

Momento musical

What's it gonna be?, Mike O'Connell + Yoshido (Ken Jeong)

Comunicação

Second Guess 2 - Nathan HuangSecond Guess 2 - Nathan Huang

Second Guess 2, Nathan Huang

(clique para ampliar)

Neurónios e humor

Women, know your limits, Harry Enfield & Chums



Sobre este tema, um texto de uma mulher pessimista e resignada, e outro (parcialmente relacionado) de uma algo mais optimista.


ps. Alguém decidiu criar uma Coligação Masculinista.

sábado, 8 de março de 2008

"Sou um perfeccionista"

Saturday Night Live: Angry boss

Nada

Neuer Beweis: Alle haben nichts gewusst! - Gerhard Haderer

Neuer Beweis: Alle haben nichts gewusst!, Gerhard Haderer



Da esquerda para a direita:


- Diz-me, sabes de alguma coisa, Fritz?
- Não, não sei de nada.
- Talvez o Kurti [diminutivo] saiba de algo.
- Kurt, uma pergunta: sabes de alguma coisa?
- Como é que posso saber de alguma coisa?
- O Kurti também não sabe de nada.



O desenho original intitula-se "A prova: Muitos não sabiam verdadeiramente de nada". Este que aqui está é uma versão posterior, em tudo igual ao primeiro (o desenho é o mesmo), excepto onde se lê Kurt e Kurti está agora Speer, e o novo título é "Nova prova: Todos eles não sabiam nada!". A questão de fundo é óbvia: foi o Holocausto algo de que apenas a cúpula Nazi e pouco mais sabia ou o conhecimento era generalizado entre a população? Por outras palavras, podem os alemães, o povo, invocar inocência sobre a morte de milhões de judeus, ciganos, comunistas, etc., alegando serem igualmente vítimas do regime?
Gerhard Haderer acha que não.

Auto-ajuda

25 ways to quit smoking (1989), Bill Plympton

sexta-feira, 7 de março de 2008

Em Sarpourenx...

... é proibido morrer na paróquia, para quem não tenha já um jazigo comprado.

Snail Harassment

Yo man, check out the rack on that babe - Nicholas GurewitchListen. You guys have a rack as much as I do. We are Hermaphrodites - nicholas=Dude, I think she just called you gay. - Nicholas Gurewitch

Snail Harassment, Nicholas Gurewitch (The Perry Bible Fellowship)

Correspondência (conclusão)

Mother Teresa - Time Magazine

Mother Teresa (1975), Bob Peak (Time Magazine)



Segunda parte da troca de correspondência entre a Princesa Diana e a Madre Teresa, transcrito de Naked Pictures of Famous People de Jon Stewart (a primeira pode ser lida aqui):


"ONE YEAR LATER


January 10, 1996


Hey Girlfriend,

I know it's been a week since my last letter but things have been crazy here. Miss me? Anyway I'll get right to the point. Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty... Fee at last!!! The divorce came through days ago and I couldn't be more pleased. Well... I'm 25 million pounds pleased at least. By the way, how many Royals does it take to screw in a lightbulb?... Give up?... nine!! Prince William to screw it in and the other eight to go fuck themselves.

Your guidance has meant so much to me. I couldn't have had the strength without you. I feel reborn. I've been a Lady so long I've forgotten to be a woman... (not counting the rugby squad I wrote about in my letters of July 17-21).

How are you? How's that thing going in India? Any new men? You're pretty but you always play it down. I wish you'd let me make you over as I requested in my letters of May 12, 1994, August 5, 1994, and March 22, 1995. Now that I'm single again I'm not taking no for an answer. Some of my lesser girlfriends and I are discussing plans for an all-girls Mexican Fiesta in Cabo. If I'm not mistaken there's a margarita there with your name on it. By the way you never answered my question of June 19, 1995—salt or no salt?


Missing you terribly,
Di-Di
Kensington Palace
England


P.S. What has sixteen legs, inbred genetic defects and a giant stick up its ass? Give up?!... The Royal Family!!!!!




August 11, 1997


Hey You,

You little scamp!! I hadn't heard from you in ages and I thought maybe you hadn't liked the matching swimsuits I had made for us... and I was actually quite upset about it, until watching the telly one day I find out you've been in hospital. Do you think so little of me that you didn't want to burden me with your troubles? After all we've been through? Well, I've enclosed a get well card, including a bit of philosophy concerning friendship. I don't want to give it away but it's a drawing of two naked imps holding hands with the caption "Friendship is being there for the though times." I believe this has been the credo for our relationship and have personalized the imps by hand to drive the point home. (I'm the imp with the full chest and you're the one with wrinkles.) I only hope you take this message to heart as I'm quite disappointed with your lack of candor about your health. I've also included brownies in this care package. You really should be careful of the food down there. After my unfortunate run-in with an intestinal parasite off the coast of Fiji I've learned the value of hygienic food preparation.

On a more upbeat note, I've met someone!! He's rich and dashing and here's the best part... He's a darkie!!! I think you'll agree that forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest... and won't that burn the Queen Mother's Royal Ass!!!


Luv,
D.


P.S. Don't worry about the sex. We're being safe.




October 1, 1997



Dear Earl Charles Spencer,

We were all greatly saddened to hear Princess Diana's untimely passing. As you begin the processes of healing and determining the Princess's final wishes, please keep in mind the Charities of Hope foundation. We know you have wisely begun a foundation in Diana's name, to continue with her good works. As you may know, our late beloved Mother Teresa and the Princess were great friends and continued correspondents. Perhaps it is fate that we continue, in their absence, the relationship they had so energetically forged. Also, to reassure you, it would be a legal write-off.



God Bless You,
Sisters of Charity
Charities of Hope
Calcutta"



Pen Pals (Naked Pictures of Famous People, 1998), Jon Stewart

I'd love it if you stuck your Willy Wonka between my Oompa-Loompas

Convém ver por ordem:









Extras #3 (Kate Winslet), Ricky Gervais + Stephen Merchant

quinta-feira, 6 de março de 2008

Suécia vs. Dinamarca

Esqueçam a movimentação de divisões de blindados venezuelanos junto à fronteira com a Colômbia. É na Europa que se vive a verdadeira crise: Ikea vs. Carlsberg.


"Emotions against IKEA are running high in Denmark, where researchers claim the wildly popular Swedish home furnishings company only names cheap doormats and wall-to-wall carpeting after Danish towns, reserving Swedish names for its more expensive furniture. The discovery has the proud Danes itching for revenge.

(...)

For his part, Kjöller says the issue should not be played down. He argues that IKEA's denigrating naming convention symbolically portrays Denmark as the doormat of neighboring Sweden, a country with a larger economy and population.

(...)

They want to exact revenge, and they want to hit the Swedes where it hurts. According to one proposal, the Carlsberg Brewery, for example, could give one of its light beers a Swedish name. The Swedes detest light beer. Generally considered bland and tasteless, it is the only alcoholic beverage that can be sold in Sweden in places other than government-run liquor stores, which happen to have very limited hours."


Is IKEA Giving Danes the Doormat Treatment?, André Anwar (Der Spiegel, 06.03.2008)

Portugal vs. Europa (Episódio 776)

Pedro Sousa Tavares escreveu um pequeno artigo em que compara a Educação na Finlândia com a portuguesa. No fim, conclui:


"As maiores diferenças entre os modelos poderão assentar na filosofia educativa. Na Finlândia, o estudante pode passar todo o ensino obrigatório na mesma escola, já que há um único ciclo do básico. Os professores conhecem-no e intervêm precocemente quando há problemas. Em Portugal, a reprovação continua a ser a «solução» para muitos alunos com dificuldades, e é precisamente nas transições de ciclo que os números do insucesso se agravam."



O seu texto não faz qualquer referência aos pais.
Há alguns meses foi publicado um relatório na Suíça em que se afirmava que os alunos de origem portuguesa eram aqueles que, entre todas as comunidades de emigrantes, tinham piores resultados escolares. Refere-se, entre outras coisas, a "origem sócio-cultural muito modesta" dos pais, bem como o seu desinteresse quase total no acompanhamento escolar dos filhos. As conclusões foram criticadas, mas não a afirmação inicial. Será que a diferença fundamental entre os alunos finlandeses e os portugueses não se encontra, antes de tudo, em casa?

Perfil

Man Stroke Woman

Florence Foster Jenkins

Florence Foster Jenkins

Florence Jenkins é um caso extremo de "ignorance is bliss". Desprovida de qualquer amostra de talento ou técnica — algo de que, segundo consta, não se dava conta —, persistiu na sua carreira como "soprano", culminando num memorável concerto no Carnegie Hall. Ela morreria apenas um mês depois.

A sua inesquecível interpretação da famosa ária da Flauta Mágica, Der Hölle Rache kocht in meinem Herzen:




"Florence Foster Jenkins was born in Pennsylvania in 1868 and left home because her father refused to allow her to fulfil her ambition to sing in public. Now, many might say that Pop Jenkins had it completely right and the daughter had it wrong, but those who we think are losers are often winners and vice-versa. Sixty years after her death and after her last performance at New York's Carnegie Hall, she has a show opening about her on Broadway on Monday and a show opening about her in London this week. The Broadway one is a revue with two people, and the one here is a play based on her colourful life, with six very eccentric people in it. Karma works in a strange way and in this case it worked in her favour.

Florence built up a coterie of admirers based on the recitals she gave to raise money for charity. She was the president of about 12 women's clubs, and funded and founded the Verdi club for ladies who raised money for artists and musicians. When she finally inherited some money from her father, after a difficult few years teaching music (try and work that one through), she gave it all away. She would hold a huge ball for 800 people every year at the Ritz Carlton, paid for entirely by herself, and gave all the proceeds to charity. Every ball and recital was themed: she would change her clothes between each number, so if it was a Spanish song, she would make her apologies, bustle off stage and come back in the full mantilla and skirt and castanets (and she was a portly lady - I wear padding and I still don't get up to her volume). But in this way, the audience's expectations were built up to such a pitch of excitement that even a stage hand moving a chair would get a fantastic round of applause. And I said it wasn't camp!

Word got out, and soon people were battering the doors down to get in. Some people did laugh at her, and she was aware of this, but she had a wonderful blinkered outlook on life, she was so ingenuous, it seems, that she just blocked out the sound of laughter. And the real aficionados would applaud loudly to try to mask it. Any notices she did get would say things like: «You will never again hear a voice like this at Carnegie Hall!» Everyone was in on the joke. But was Florence in on it too? Was her lover/manager the English actor Sinclair Byfield? Was her accompanist, the deliciously named Cosme McMoon? A tape recording exists of him saying: «No one can do what Florence Foster Jenkins did because they all try to send her up. She was totally sincere.»

(...)

Not much more is known about Florence really, except that she died a month after the Carnegie Hall debut, which she hocked all her furniture to finance. She would have been totally bankrupt had not 5,000 people turned up for 3,000 tickets. But it seems to me, and to Peter Quilter, that she died in 1944 quite contented, because in many ways she'd peaked.

Her story is one of triumph over embarrassment. On all these Pop Idol-style programmes, the «experts» on the panel are always saying things like: «Follow your dream,» and you reach for the sick bag. But somewhere in a little corner of your head, you hear the same tiny voice you hear when you are singing in the bath. The one that says: «Actually, you know, if I was properly trained and produced - I could be a pop star!» If you have the will and the stamina and the self-belief, you will triumph, even if, like Florence, you've been dead for 60 years when you finally get your true recognition."


Playing the diva of din, Maureen Lipman (The Guardian, 03.11.2005)



Florence Jenkins: The Muse Surmounted

Sensualidade

Big Time Sensuality, Dawn French (French & Saunders)



Entretanto, uma tipa com ar um bocado escanzelado fez esta paródia:


Big Time Sensuality, Björk

quarta-feira, 5 de março de 2008

Correspondência

Princess Diana - André Carrilho

Princess Diana, André Carrilho



Segue-se um excerto da troca de correspondência entre a Princesa Diana e a Madre Teresa, conforme se pode ler em Naked Pictures of Famous People (1998), de Jon Stewart.



"October 3, 1994


Dear Mother Teresa,

Hi. You don't know me but my name is Diana and I'm your biggest fan. I've never written a letter like this before so don't think I'm crazy but I think you're the coolest. The more I hear about you the more I think we're like sisters or something, where one sister is this really beautiful princess and the other isn't.

I want to know everything about you. Where do you live? I know you spend a lot of time in India, which is really weird because I live in England and India used to be one of our colonies. Do you spend summers there? I hear it's really hot. Do you drink tea? Iced tea? Have you ever been to Monaco? It's totally fun.

I'm married, are you? You're probably too busy what with the lepers and everything. I think it's kind of fun to be married. Well I guess I should be going, Cindy Crawford is coming to meet my kids and then we have to go to an Elton John concert—yuccck! Anyway, I would love to meet you for a drink or coffee, whatever, my treat! Please write back or call me soon. You can call collect (but don't make it a habit... ha-ha).


Your friend (hopefully),
Her Royal Highness

Diana

Princess of Wales
Buckingham Palace
Suite#3
London, England


P.S. I'm not crazy.



November 12, 1994


Dear Mother of All Big Snobs,

Braaaaaay!! Braaaaaaay!! Do you know what that sound is? It's the sound an ass makes, which is what I feel like after writing you an offer of friendship and never hearing back. I really thought you were different but I guess you're just too big and important to write. I could have any friend I want including any of the surviving Beatles and I chose you. But I guess that doesn't matter to a bigshot like you huh?

Maybe all those people on TV who say such nice things about you don't really know you or maybe if I had some stupid disease like leprosy or hemophilia you'd find it in your supposedly big heart to answer my letter. I hate you. Actually I don't even care enough to hate you. You could row to England, then walk to London, then crawl to the palace and beg me to be your friend and I wouldn't. I have a good mind to tell my husband THE FUTURE KING about this but I'm afraid he would bomb you and your stupid country bumkin charity house.

Your ex-friend,

Princess Diana

London, England


P.S. Some people pay up to 100,000 pounds for a simple picture of me in my workout tights. Beat that!!!



November 11, 1994

Dear Supporter,

Thank you for your interest in Mother Teresa's Charities of Hope foundation. As you know the Living Saint's schedule is quite busy so we will not be able to schedule the requested meeting.

The Charities of Hope foundation provides for the basic care of thousands of indigents in the Calcutta region. We have enclosed literature concerning the good works of the Living Saint and the Charities of Hope foundation. We very much appreciate any support you can give.

God bless you,
Sisters of Charity
Charities of Hope
Calcutta, India



November 14, 1994

Dearest friend Mother Teresa,

I just got your letter and I am soooo sorry for the terrible things I said to you in my last letter which you probably just got. I forgot how very slow the mail is in Third World regions. Please, please, please forgive me. I beg forgiveness even though friends like us don't usually have to do that, it's just understood.

I know this sounds crazy but I feel like we've known each other for years or in another lifetime or something. Like I was this beautiful Egyptian princess and you were my super great Egyptian servant/friend who I could confide in. I've enclosed a picture of myself (I'm the one standing in the carriage!). I know I look so fat but I don't care. The pale man with the big ears to my right is my husband, Prince Charles (Charles the turd I call him). Does he seem dull and devoid of any passion in the picture? He is in real life. I've had more passionate evenings with the Energizer Bunny if you know what I mean!! Normally I would be clearer with what I mean but I'm not because friends like us have an unspoken bond of understanding that means I don't have to be clear or specific.

Please send me a picture of yourself and I will put it in one of my dressers in one of the houses I use more frequently than the other ones.


Thank you in advance,
Your Dear Soulmate,

Diana

England


P.S. Sometimes I want to kill myself.




January 4, 1995


Dear Mr. Miss Mrs. Diana,

Thank you for your interest in Mother Theresa. We regret that we do not send pictures of the Living Saint to her admirers. We have enclosed literature on Mother Teresa's Charities of Hope foundation. Thank you again for your interest.


Sisters of Charity
Charities of Hope
Calcutta"


Pen Pals (Naked Pictures of Famous People, 1998), Jon Stewart



A concluir em breve.

Steven Wright

O mestre dos one-liners.




terça-feira, 4 de março de 2008

Biblioteca George W. Bush

A futura Biblioteca Presidencial George W. Bush será construída segundo o projecto de Robert A.M. Stern. O The Chronicle propôs aos seus leitores que enviassem esboços com as suas sugestões. No site colocaram uma selecção das mais interessantes, que também podem ser vistas neste vídeo:




Nem ele deverá ter alguma vez sonhado que um dia veria as palavras "Biblioteca" e "George W. Bush", lado a lado, gravadas num edifício.

Quatro Cavaleiros do Apocalipse

Guerra - Ashley Wood [clique para ampliar]Morte - Ashley Wood [clique para ampliar]Peste - Ashley Wood [clique para ampliar]Fome - Ashley Wood [clique para ampliar]

Ashley Wood



Já agora, comparar com os de Dürer.

segunda-feira, 3 de março de 2008

Ming, o cruel





Big Train

Paisagem radiante

Downtown L.A. Atomic - Seb Janiak [clique para ampliar]

Downtown L.A. Atomic (2005), Seb Janiak

domingo, 2 de março de 2008

Opressão no local de trabalho

Não são só os fumadores que são injustamente perseguidos...


Big Train

A Execução

Stay of Execution - Jeremy Kramer + Eric Vaughn [clique para ampliar]

Stay of Execution, Jeremy Kramer + Eric Vaughn (Truck Bearing Kibble)

T1000

Isto não é animação 3D. É feito com ferrofluidos e electroímanes controlados por computador.


Morpho Towers - Two standing spirals (2007), Sachiko Kodama + Yasushi Miyajima




Project "Protrude Flow" (2001-02), Sachiko Kodama + Minako Takeno

Como beijar, por Bill Plympton

How to Kiss (1989), Bill Plympton

Atlas

O The Onion tem-se dedicado à louvável empresa de colocar on-line o seu atlas — Our Dumb World: The Onion's Atlas Of The Planet Earth. A versão em papel pode ser adquirida no sítio do costume.


França - Our Dumb World

Usando o Google Maps, colocam convenientemente as cebolas sobre os locais de interesse histórico, geográfico, cultural, etc., bastando clicar para fazer aparecer a informação. Deixo algumas amostras que comprovam o elevado rigor científico da obra.


Grécia - Our Dumb World
Japão - Our Dumb World
US - Our Dumb World
Congo - Our Dumb World